Especially when you are living with it.
I lost a friend the other day. Life has distanced us over the years, but I nonetheless, had a warm spot within for him. I have known him and his family for 30 years.
We did all the things the family friends did together. Our kids played with each other. We ate meals together and we shared details of our ups and downs. All that kind of thing.
A chance visit with his only living son, provided the occasion for him sharing of his condition. I didn't call Vince after I found out.
I chickened out.
I felt guilty for letting Vince go like that. I cared deeply for him but yet, when I see a good friend failing and falling with cancer, it becomes far too personal. I see myself in their shoes.
See what I mean?
There are more dimensions to having cancer then people without it, realize.
As if that wasn't enough. After learned of Vince's death - the nightmares came, as they often do. I am also left with a terrible ambivalence. On one hand, Vince was a man of faith in God. While I should have been celebrating his passing over I was left with a horrible hole within my life and the loss at this time is a burden. The loss at this time is enormous.
Good bye dear friend. I hope you understand and forgive me for not visiting you when you were at your lowest.
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